As I started to write how to deal with unwanted gifts (ugh, so awkward!), I began to wonder where the gift giving during Christmastime actually came from. Was it the three wise men? The Bishop who went around giving gifts? or maybe that Night Before Christmas poem? I didn’t know exactly but I wanted to understand the roots of it all to better guide my thoughts on dealing with those not-so-me gifts.

A Brief History on Gift-Giving

If 1904 Margaret could only see us now, just 100 years later where according to the National Retail Federation, Americans plan to spend (or already did spend) an average of $998 on holiday gifts and other items this season. YIKES!

I was even more surprised to learn that the history of gift giving at Christmastime is relatively new (and not entirely Christian). According to the Atlantic, “not until the turn of the 20th century did [retailers] even assume a proactive role of marketing directly to children.” In short, the exact roots of the gift giving tradition are unclear and the commercialization of that giving is pretty new and very American.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the spirit of Christmas and of giving and celebrating the birth of our Savior. It is such a sweet time of year filled with so many good memories for me. What I don’t like is the debt, stress and clutter it CAN create if we are not intentional in our gift-giving and responsible in our post-Christmas decluttering.

So I hope knowing that this tradition isn’t something that has gone on forever may release you from feeling like you have to keep those unwanted gifts forever.

Gift Guilt

When I polled my Instagram friends, 98% said they had received a gift they didn’t actually want and 80% said that they would get rid of an unwanted gift rather than keep it (BRAVO!!!). Which camp do you fall into? Would you keep an unwanted gift or get rid of it? I’d love to know!

If you are in the 20% of keepers, I won’t pretend to know EXACTLY why you are holding on to items you don’t want. BUT if it is out of guilt, obligation or avoidance of a potentially awkward interaction, know that our people-pleasing hearts can sometimes play tricks on us. Keeping a gift is not in any way tied to who you are, your relationship with the giver or how much you care about them. This also means you can stop running around pulling out every gift Gran ever gave you and acting like it is always there when she comes into town.

Dealing with the Unwanted Gifts

If you fall into the 20% of keepers or if you struggle with the guilt of getting rid of gifts you don’t need, here are a few ways to deal with unwanted gifts (other than keeping them in the back of your closet):

1. THE PREEMPTIVE STRIKE

Of course the easiest solution is to avoid getting the plethora of unwanted things to begin with. To do this you need to talk to your family about gifts BEFORE the season begins. Being solution oriented is key here because you don’t want to steal the joy of giving from another. A few ways to do this are to suggest experiences (like childcare, trips, zoo memberships), trading lists, or even doing a secret santa with a gift and dollar amount limit.

Most importantly, explain WHY this is important to you.

2. GIVE AWAY

If you have someone who just loves to shower you and your family with gifts, more power to them! Giving gifts is a love language that should be received with gratitude.

BUT it doesn’t mean you have to keep everything forever. The gift is in the giving and the obligation ends at THANK YOU. Here’s where you can choose to exchange, return, re-gift or donate the item that is just not for you (and hopefully release some of the guilt along with it).